The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
someone owes me an orgasm
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
