I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
