wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
