That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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