3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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