I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I will be naked everywhere
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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