This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
