I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
