My nipple is on Facebook.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
