You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
