There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
