is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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