i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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