I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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