btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
FUCK WHALES
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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