I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
