Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
