oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
