why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
