I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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