So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
