I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
