My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
