cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
