he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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