NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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