I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
