That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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