when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
