You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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