He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
