There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
