Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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