Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
