in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she smelled like a LAN party
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
