I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
