Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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