Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
