Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Every concussion has its silver lining
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
