Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
