i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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