We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
