So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
