i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
