he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
