i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
