But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
