Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
