i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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