Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
