We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
