she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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