his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
